It's so hot and humid and unpleasant. But i think i can deal with it a lot better now than when i was younger. I used to truly HATE the summer. Now i realize i do need the sun's warmth at least for a few months out of the year.
I think i realized something new today. I realized that my cousin has been acting really happy and hopeful and like he's having fun, and living with him right now is not best fit for me. I mean, i've decided to wait it out for a few months but it's uncomfortable because the happier he acts the grumpier i get. It's not his fault at all, he really is super nice and kind and respectful. He's just a bit loud sometimes, in a "i feel enthusiasm about my life" kind of way, and i don't want to be around that sometimes. It's not like i'm mopey and dark all the time, not at all. I guess maybe it's that i put on a happy face a lot when i'm on the "outside," in my public life. So when i come home maybe i just want to be serious and sad or quiet. At least i'm trying to take this as a good learning experience. And today i learned that i can be a real buzzkill when i don't feel compelled to act like "i'm fine."
On the bright side (and i really am always compelled to look on the bright side), i cooked tonight. Quinoa and kale and a sweet potato. Loaded with vitamins and minerals and stuff. There's a part of me that wants to be healthy, the way i tried to help my mom beat cancer with nutrition, and there's a part of me that just doesn't care. But many times the part of me that really doesn't want to get cancer wins out and i go for healthy. That's a good thing.
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