All the days of my life

I had a really good day again, just like yesterday. Last night our group met at a pier on west 26th st (i think) and it was so, so beautiful there. We plan on going there all the time, weather permitting. Group was so wonderfully intense that i came home and wrote down lots of points and ideas that i haven't yet formatted into paragraphs. I need a lot more time to get it all in.

Mike came back to work today after being out for 4 work days, after his eye surgery. It was good to have him back and to try to be as supportive as i can for him. I really care about him a lot and it feels so good to have that at my boring job. I've told him he's my work spouse.

There's a kid named Erik, i think he's 21, who interned early in the summer and was back this week for just a few days, who i'm totally in love with. But in the same manner in which i've fallen in love with young coworkers before. It's so weird. I get this intense maternal or sisterly feeling and i just feel so much admiration and pride for these adults who are usually at least 10 years younger than me and inspire me with their goodness, idealism and insight. Those are the moments when i feel the world can be okay because there are some young ones coming up who can make a positive impact. This is known as one of my "i'm a 95 year old lady" moments. Erik is the most adorable thing and yesterday i told him he's like a unicorn from the Forbidden Forest in Harry Potter books. When he walks into the room everything sparkles and he's just so full of life that he radiates rainbows and little cartoon bluebirds fly above his head. He has never ending enthusiasm, is perpetually curious, and wants to be fully engaged with every human being he meets. And he's not annoying. He's concerned about being environmentally conscious like i am so we've talked about that and he's so attuned to everything around him all the time. He's super affectionate and friendly. I told Erika today that i feel like Erik is being born every minute. He is SO full of life and enthusiasm. I said that already, but it's doubly true.

Anyway, my little unicorn made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside today and i was grateful for that. It's the way i felt about Scheufle and Rebecca and Aimee, to name a few. Georgia was one of them and she's become my full-fledged sister from another mister, as well as my hero.
I've met really special people and for some reason i become so excited and moved by the ones i see as bright kids, doing what i never could at their age. Maybe i really should have been a teacher. I'm so grateful for feeling connections with elderly people (like Ruth who i just couldn't adore more, that lady just cracks me up), as well as with young twentysomethings, who i inevitably see as kids, but not in a condescending way. It's the people my age that i'm just now starting to feel i can bond with. I've spent a lot of time with people quite a bit older than me and quite a bit younger than me. And i feel really, really, really young and really, really, really old at the same time. Somehow i need to figure out how to just be me today, at this age.

Tonight, as i was opening the bottle of calcium pills that i'm going to start taking, i said out loud, "i need my mom." I'm not sure i've said that out loud before. It wasn't exactly apropos of anything, mostly i just remembered giving her all her pills and different kinds of vitamins and i wished she was here. I miss my mom all the time but i don't very often consciously say that i need her. I stopped in my tracks when i heard myself.

I love and feel this song:
"Days" - Bowie

Hold me tight
Keep me cool
Going mad
Don't know what to do
Do I need a friend?
Well, I need one now

All the days of my life
All the days of my life
All the days I owe you

All I've done
I've done for me
All you gave
You gave for free
I gave nothing in return
And there's little left of me

All the days of my life
All the days of my life
All the days I owe you

In red-eyed pain I'm knocking on your door again
My crazy brain in tangles
Pleading for your gentle voice
Those storms keep pounding through my head and heart
I pray you'll soothe my sorry soul

All the days of my life
All the days of my life
All the days I owe you
All the days of my life
All the days of my life
All the days I owe you

All the days of my life
All the days of my life
All the days I owe you