Random crying is back.
Really sad in the street is back.
Christmas is over, thank goodness. It was actually nice. Well, Christmas eve was very nice, went to evening service in Rye, NY, sang Silent Night in the dark with lit candles. It was good to do something new and different and to be in good company.
Christmas Day was tiring and busy but ultimately good because my mind was occupied at all times and didn't stop to think about the bad stuff.
Today i was really tired and just vegged out at Jes' hanging out with Clem and didn't go to L.I. like i had planned to. My aunts were really worried apparently and i didn't talk to them until around 11 pm. I didn't get their calls to my cell phone and i wasn't home to receive those calls. It freaked me out that they both were so worried about me. Made me cry. They want my friends' phone numbers in case of emergency. They're right but it reminds me that my mom is no longer the one to worry about me. Plus i feel guilty remembering all the times i worried my mom by not calling.
My tia Beatriz telling me that she loves me very much and that her heart hurt because she was worried that she couldn't reach me just really upset me. It's great to know, but my mom should be telling me that.

Whatever. This is a really sad time of year. I know i can get through every day. I assume i will because i've gotten through every other day this year.

Been watching lots of episodes of "30 Rock." It really makes me laugh and i find it oddly comforting. The NYC setting and the characters just make me feel good.