Despite feeling like shit because of a cold, i spent most of the weekend with my two tias. Tia Emilia was staying at tia Beatriz's since Tuesday, i think, and i basically saw them every day since Wednesday. Oh except for Friday, when they went on a day trip to Atlantic City and i saw "The Expendables" after work with G & S.
On Saturday evening, tia and i went to 34th street for some home shopping and poor tia was very strong despite the pain in her feet. Her stamina is just ridiculous. By the time she was trying on sandals at Macy's it was nearly 9:30 and her feet were so swollen that it made buying shoes an impossible task.
We popped into the Manhattan mall for a bit to sit down and rest and then i took tia down to JC Penny to use the bathroom and because she'd never seen it before.
So when we went down there, we walked right through...the coat section. Winter coats. Yes, they're back. Yes, it's the middle of August but i'm already used to this.
As soon as i saw them my first thought was, "fuckers! There you are again." And i laughed. To think that a year has passed since i struggled with missing doing coat shopping with mom. It was a stark reminder of another sucky fall and winter without her. I laughed, not sure why it struck me as humorous. But at least i laughed. At Macy's, i had a lot of "i hate you" reactions to the different departments or merchandise. Lots of stuff mom would have liked.
I had lots of moments of anger, like when walking through the newly opened Lincoln Center underpass. So much stuff my mom should have been able to see, should be able to see today but she's not here.
And then i remember how fucking mad i am that she died.
So yeah, a lot of cursing going on, under my breath and in my mind.
Hang in there, cupcake.
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